Mrs Payan Reads

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

Have you ever had one of those situations that seems like it will never get resolved? That is my experience during the last several weeks. I thought that I was having another episode of Diverticulitis. It felt exactly like it did this summer. I went to my doctor and got antibiotics. I spent a week taking the meds and did not feel any better. So I went back to my doctor and then to urgent care. After a battery of tests and a switch of medication, I went to the gastroenterologist. I found out that my CT scan was normal and I do not have Diverticulitis. Although this is good news, I still don’t have an explanation for what is wrong with me.

On Monday, I called the neurologist because I thought that it might be a flare up of Multiple Sclerosis. The nurses there were pretty sure that this type of symptom would not be related to the MS. So, I am back to the drawing board.

I am so fatigued and worn out and it is so hard to get through the day at school, much less all the extra paperwork we are expected to do.

I am just hoping for an answer soon. (Or for the symptoms to stop so that I feel healthy again)

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

The last few days have been sunny in Wisconsin. The snow is melting and the temperatures are approaching 50. That means ridiculously happy people. All of a sudden, there are crowds out and people taking walks.

I love living in a place where relatively cold weather can bring so much joy. I know that the days this week in the 50s will be days in which I will see shorts and short skirts. I love that we can find so much joy in what some people would say is cold, wintery weather.

This sunshine is a balm for our moods. Smile and be happy! I hope this nice weather trend will continue…but I know that we are probably not done with winter yet. Bring on the Spring!

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

In the last few weeks, I have found myself in waiting rooms a LOT. Most of the time, I think ahead and am prepared for a wait with a book. This morning, for some reason, I was caught without a book. As I sat there, trying not to make eye contact with the other people waiting for the labs, I started really wishing I had my notebook with me. Of course, I had also recently switched purses and the notebook I usually have was not there. I am going to try to recreate some of the wait here.

We sit in an awkward silence, with just a couple of people braving whispers in the heavy hush of the room. Every once in awhile, someones voice breaks this precarious silence. “Young lady,” booms the deep voice of an older gentleman, then he points. The girl looks at him in confusion until the man with him says, “You dropped your ring,” and points to the ground in front of her. The room falls back into the hushed silence of people waiting and slightly annoyed at the longer-than-usual wait. I stare at the ugly mustard color on the wall, feeling slightly nauseated and wondering why they would have painted this color on the wall. The harsh fluorescent light does not forgive anything. We all watch people coming and going. The ones who are finally finished with the lab leave with relieved smiles and we sit here waiting. Then the man next to me whispers, “Oh, they’re finally on clipboard number 2.” It all makes sense then. I thought it was weird that there were only five or six names on the list when there were so many people waiting. Now, I get it. I start to think about books or movies I know of in which a group of strangers is thrown together in some sort of crisis. Which one of these people would step up and be the hero in our story? When the man next to me gets called, he yells out, “One hour and seventeen minutes waiting!” It is as if he has won a prize. We all chuckle slightly. Then, suddenly, the list seems to go faster and the last of us are called in. I did not have to wait nearly as long as that man, but my 40 minutes was enough.

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

This morning, my dog was extra cuddly. I have been home sick from school for 4 days now, and she seems to know that I am still not feeling well. I love how pets are so intuitive about how you are feeling. Carmela draped herself over me and snuggled right up to me all day.  It made me feel so much more positive.

I love having a dog. Even though there are sometimes situations like this:

It is worth the extra clean up to have the doggie snuggles every day.

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

Tonight was night two of conferences. I love the conversations, I love the opportunity to connect with parents and highlight the individuality of my students. I love the self-reflection that the conversations cause, even when they cause me to question my practices. But most of all, I love the visits.

Every year, without fail, Rigo comes to visit. This young man, who is now an adult, is one of the reasons I keep teaching. When he was in my fifth grade class, I worked hard with him. He was struggling to keep up, he needed encouragement and he needed to strengthen his skills. We worked hard and he knew I cared about his success. The class that he was in was one of those active and challenging groups of kids. I had recently moved up to fifth grade from first grade, and some of those kids sure made me work hard. Rigo played around a bit, but always tried to remove himself from those shenanigans. He had better things to do. He wanted to get an education. He knew that I was going to do everything that I could do to help every one of those students succeed and he worked hard. Then they all moved on to other schools for middle school. For many of my students, this is where my story with them ended. Not so with Rigo.

I look forward each year to checking in with this young man. He started visiting right away in sixth grade. He came to report how he was and what was happening with him. I have heard reports all through middle school and high school, until he graduated last year. It helped that his younger siblings have continued to go to my school so he has come along each year to come say hi. He makes a point to seek me out and say hello.

Tonight, I spoke for fifteen minutes with a kind and polite young man who is working part-time as a security guard and going to community college. He is planning to transfer to a local university and to study criminal justice. He wants to be a firefighter or a police officer. I am so proud of the young man that Rigo has become, and I am happy that he continues to want to share this with me.

I hope every teacher has at least one Rigo in her life to help her remember why she became a teacher.

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

     Tonight, I had parent teacher conferences. It was really weird for me because I have been out sick from school most of the last two weeks. I will be out again tomorrow. I just made it there for conferences today and will make it there for conferences tomorrow. I don’t love it that my students are having to deal with having a substitute for so much time, but I can’t help it. I hope I will get better soon. Most people are understanding about it. I try not to go into too much detail, but I am straightforward if they ask what is wrong.
     I like this time of year because I like talking to parents about their child. I love every one of my students and I like the chance to celebrate each of their accomplishments and to share strategies with parents. I like building relationships with families.
     This year, now that I am home from a first night of successful conversations, I am finding myself reflecting on the incredibly ridiculous workload that we face in this era of education. I had some great conversations tonight, but they are tinged with a few questions that make me feel like I need to defend myself. There are so many things that we could be doing right and so many things that most likely need improvement. There are so many people that we answer to and so much that we have to prove. When something has to give, where does that happen? Is it the visible things that matter most or the invisible ones?
     Am I doing a perfect job with this group of students this year? No, I am human. But I can promise that I am doing the best job that I can and giving the most of myself that I can give. I think that should be enough. Shouldn’t it?

I am participating again this year in the Slice of Life challenge in which we write a slice every day in March.  If you are interested in joining in, visit the Two Writing Teachers blog for more information.

I am sick.
I feel unwell.
I miss my students.
I just want to lie here.
I want the medicine to work.
I have to do lesson plans.
I don’t want to give the sub too much to do.
I can’t believe my (un)luck.
I need to rest.
I need to drink plenty of fluids.
I might need surgery.
I wish the antibiotics had kicked it last week.
I am tired all the time.
I have parent conferences this week.
I just want the world to stop for a few days.
I wish I had never heard of Diverticulitis.
I want to whine for a few moments more.
When will it get better?

As I was writing this list, which is shaped like a poem, but not really poetry, I had to smile. It made me think of the poem “Sick” by Shel Silverstein from my all-time favorite poetry anthology, Where the Sidewalk Ends. How I wish it were in that whimsical spirit that I were writing. “What’s that you say? You say today is Saturday? Goodbye, I’m going out to play.” If only.